I can't really believe I'm still not caught up with this shit yet. It's my goal to be caught up by the end of the year. It's also my goal to make a couple non-review posts before that time, too.

8/1

Reservoir Dogs (Rewatch, 1992, Quentin Tarantino, 35mm, Castro) - 9.5
A group of mostly strangers rob a jewelry store, but things go wrong because they’ve been set up. The cast is fucking awesome (especially Buscemi), the story is well-told, and it’s violent and great, and I fucking love this movie. AND, there’s even a reference to Tony DeFranco & The DeFranco Family’s Heartbeat (It’s a Love Beat), which is one of my favorite songs.

8/4 & 11/9

Moon (2009, Duncan Jones, 35mm, Balboa/Red Vic) - 9.0
Sam Rockwell is working on the moon, harvesting some shit that provides energy for Earth, and his contract is almost up, and he ends up encountering another Sam Rockwell, and that’s as much as can be given away. It’s kind of a sad movie, and I liked the way it unfolded, and some of Rockwell’s interactions with himself and with his robot pal are really great.

8/5

The Ugly Truth (2009, Robert Luketic, 35mm, Presidio) - 3.0
Katherine Heigl is a TV producer, and her show hires a chauvinist who gives love advice, played by Gerard Butler, who is puffy-faced and ugly, and they hate each other, but then while he’s helping her land another guy, they both discover that they may just find love in the likeliest of places (MAJOR SPOILER: it’s with each other). This movie looked really awful, but I wanted to see it because I liked Katherine Heigl in 27 Dresses, but it’s actually just as awful as it looked. Cheryl Hines is pretty funny, and Heigl does have some good moments where she acts all spazzy, but yeah, it’s fucking terrible.

8/6

Funny People (2009, Judd Apatow, 35mm, Marina) - 6.0
Adam Sandler is a comedy actor who also does stand-up sometimes, and he finds out he’s dying, and he ends up hiring Seth Rogen as his joke-writer/assistant, and then he finds out he’s not dying anymore, and he’s still in love with his ex. With the exception of some limited moments from Jonah Hill, the under-used Aubrey Plaza, and Eric Bana, the movie is almost never funny, and it was often hard to tell if it was even supposed to be. This was a little disappointing at first, but I didn’t mind for long because it’s obviously a drama with moments of comedy, instead of the other way around. Adam Sandler mostly just acts like an asshole, and there’s not much reason to give a shit about his character. And Seth Rogen is ok, but I never developed much of a connection to him, either. Somehow, though, the movie works. There’s something realistic about it, and it’s sort of an interesting insight into the lives of rich and famous celebrities, which I guess is what pulled me in. I also really liked Eric Bana’s role in the movie. He’s not only probably the funniest person in the movie, oddly (maybe sadly) enough, but his character was much different than I expected, and he steers his storyline in a direction I was very pleased with.


Julie & Julia (2009, Nora Ephron, 35mm, Balboa) - 7.5
Meryl Streep is Julia Child and she learns to cook in France and co-writes a cookbook, and Amy Adams is lowly cubicle worker Julie Powell, who starts a blog about cooking every recipe in Child’s book within a year. The only part of the movie I really cared to see was the Amy Adams part, and I definitely preferred her story, but the Julia Child stuff ended up being pretty good, too. I used to have something against Meryl Streep, but I'm over it. I think the only reason I didn’t like her was because I fucking hated her in the trailer for The Devil Wears Prada. I never saw the movie, just couldn’t stand her in the trailer. She’s not so bad, though. She’s alright in Sophie’s Choice and Mamma Mia!, and sort of bad in Doubt but that was the director’s fault, and I liked her in She-Devil. However, critics were saying that the Julia segment of this movie is the only thing worthwhile, and the Julie stuff just drags it down. But they’re fucking retarded, because sure, Streep gives a great performance, but Amy Adams may just be the best working actress out there right now, and any story with her is going to be much more intriguing than everything else. It’s possible this may stem from a slight crush I have on her, but I had the exact opposite response as the critics, to the point that toward the end of the movie, when Amy Adams is distraught to learn that Julia Child doesn’t approve of her blog, I thought “That cunt.” and when it went back to the JC story, I was like “I don’t give a shit about this fucking woman, she doesn’t love Amy!” Which I will admit is a bit of an overreaction. Seriously, though, Adams is fucking great.

8/8

Pink Flamingos (Rewatch, 1972, John Waters, 35mm, Bridge) - 11.0
Divine and her family are the filthiest people alive, but Connie and Raymond Marble feel that they are actually filthier, so they wage a filth war against Divine. I watched this movie so often in high school that I still find myself mouthing the words to every single line of dialogue. And yet, the deliveries are so fucking good that it still makes me laugh. The entire cast is amazing, all managing to give long and ridiculous diatribes in single takes (not to mention the various acts of filthiness they all go through), and Divine gives a truly intense tour-de-force performance. It also holds up amazingly well at being shocking and disgusting. It was far too influential on my life for me to ever be objective about it, but seriously, this is an incredible movie.

8/15

Poltergeist (Rewatch, 1982, Tobe Hooper, 35mm, Bridge) - 10.0
A family is living in a house, and it’s haunted by ghosts who communicate to the youngest daughter through the TV, and eventually kidnap her through the closet, then start throwing shit around a lot, and the parents (Craig T. Nelson and JoBeth Williams, both brilliant) hire some ghost experts and Zelda Rubinstein to help get her back. This movie is not only perfectly told with well-rounded, likable characters, offbeat humor, convincing performances, and an awesomely random bit of gore, and it not only has a great score and incredible fucking editing, but on top of all of that, it’s one of very few movies that I actually find fucking terrifying. This movie is amazing and brilliant in every single way, and I love it more every time I see it. It’s perfect.

8/19 & 8/31

Inglourious Basterds (2009, Quentin Tarantino, 35mm, Castro/Kabuki) - 10.0
In Nazi-occupied France in the ‘40s, Brad Pitt leads a group of Nazi-killing Jewish soldiers, and meanwhile, a Jew-in-hiding (Melanie Laurent) who escaped the brutal attack of her family is selected to host a huge German premiere at her movie theater, and by the end, their stories and a couple other stories converge brilliantly. Everything about it worked flawlessly for me, and the actors (Pitt, Laurent, and Christoph Waltz, in particular) were fucking incredible. My favorite part of the movie was probably the segment with the Basterds killing the Nazis. In general, Jews aren’t exactly intimidating, and when we first see the group, they look short and scrawny. But they are fucking ruthless, and they slaughter without mercy, and it is incredible to watch. I could’ve watched them killing Nazis for an entire movie, but the other story was great enough, and Melanie Laurent was fucking badass enough, that I didn’t mind the other direction it took. I loved the shit out of every scene, and I think this might just be Tarantino’s best film, and very possibly the best film of the year.

8/20

Rambo (Rewatch, 2008, Sylvester Stallone, Blu-ray) - 9.5
Rambo is asked by some Christians to take them into war-torn Burma, and he doesn’t want to, but one of them is Julie Benz, and he has a quiet Rambo crush on her, so he agrees, but then they get captured, so he goes back with some mercenaries to rescue her, and the rest of them, and in the process, kills a ton of people in the bloodiest, most ridiculous ways possible. It’s insanely violent and fun and fucking awesome. Rambo even pulls a Swayze, and rips someone’s throat out. The tagline is “Heroes never die… They just reload.” Amazing.

Rewatches - Click for previous reviews
8/1 - Showgirls (Rewatch, 1995, Paul Verhoeven, 35mm, Bridge) - ∞
(Full review, deserving of it's own post, coming Monday)

8/3 - The Great Muppet Caper (1981, Jim Henson, 35mm, Red Vic) - 9.0
8/8 - School, Girls, and You! (Short, 1978, David Wechter, Youtube) - 9.0

MOVIES
7/25

Hollow Man (Prewatch, 2000, Paul Verhoeven, Blu-ray) - 9.0
Kevin Bacon leads a team of scientists who have discovered how to make living beings invisible, and when he figures out how to also make them visible again, he decides to test it out on himself. Once invisible, he becomes somewhat mischievous, but after the re-visible process fails, he starts going crazy. This whole movie is pretty crazy. I felt satisfied with the exploration of what would happen to someone with this particular power, done in Verhoeven’s trademark over-the-top, highly sexualized style. And the special effects are mostly fucking awesome. I loved the creepy burn victim mask they made him. It’s no RoboCop or Total Recall (two of the best sci-fi movies ever made), but it’s still an effective and swayze sci-fi thriller.

7/26

(500) Days of Summer (2009, Marc Webb, 35mm, Kabuki) - 9.0
Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Zooey Deschanel meet and start dating, and he falls in love, but she apparently doesn’t. I thought it was told in a really amazing way, and always felt realistic, and both of the actors were great and really fucking nice to look at (I’m not sure who was more in love with Zooey, Gordon-Levitt’s character, or the director and cameraman). Maybe one of the best and most effective movies I’ve seen about love and heartbreak.

7/27

Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance (2002, Park Chan-wook, Projected DVD, Bridge) - 9.5
A deaf-mute needs money for his sister’s kidney transplant, so his girlfriend convinces him to kidnap his former boss’ daughter, and things go really wrong from there. Every character ends up either seeking, or being on the receiving end of vengeance, usually both, and this results in a whole lot of killing. I wasn’t really thinking about it while watching, but this kind of plays out as a modern, violent noir, which is one of my favorite genres.


Old Boy (Rewatch, 2003, Park Chan-wook, Projected DVD, Bridge) - 9.5
A man is kidnapped and locked up for 15 years, without ever knowing why, and one day, he’s let out, and given only a few days to figure out what he had done wrong. Lots of violence and disturbing themes, some good dental torture, a live octopus being eaten, and just a lot of shots and scenes that are really amazing. I had seen it before, but liked it a lot more the second time around. It’s fucking great.


Lady Vengeance (Rewatch, 2005, Park Chan-wook, Projected DVD, Bridge) - 9.0
A woman does a bunch of years in prison for kidnapping and killing a little kid, and when she gets out, she tries to make atonement for what she’s done by seeking revenge on the actual killer (spoiler?), and gathering together some parents of the other kids he’s killed so they can take vengeance as well. I wasn’t that interested in the themes of atonement and the whole angel thing, but at least it was still fucking bleak, and the lead actress was awesome.

7/30

Thirst (2009, Park Chan-wook, 35mm, Bridge) - 5.5
A priest volunteers to get some disease that makes him puke blood and blister up all over, and it eventually kills him, but then it doesn’t because he’s a vampire all of a sudden (I guess he got a blood transfusion, but I totally missed that part), and then he meets a girl and they have sex even though he’s a priest and feels bad about it, and they’re in love maybe, but I don’t know, it was confusing. So first off, 5.5 is totally not that terrible of a rating you guys, so stop freaking out. It means I almost kinda liked it. What it also means in this instance is that I was fucking exhausted when I watched this movie, and there is a definite possibility that this contributed to my thinking it was way too long and really boring. There was a whole bunch of shit that I really liked about it, I just felt that the awesome shit never seemed to last long enough. But I’d be willing to give it another try sometime when I’m more alert.

July Top 9
1. Johnny Mnemonic
2. Bruno
3. Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance
4. Gang Boys
5. The Quick and the Dead
6. S Club 7: Artistic Differences
7. (500) Days of Summer
8. Double Blast
9. Moving Target


TV
7/26

Daisy of Love Season 1 (2009, Mark Cronin & Cris Abrego, VH1) - 9.0
Daisy from Rock of Love is given 20 guys, and tries to find her true love amongst them. The first couple episodes were fucking insane, and it was immediately a welcome relief after Rock of Love Bus and For the Love of Ray J, which were fucking shit. I felt really bad for Daisy because in the first half of the season, there were hardly any eliminations. Guys just kept leaving on their own. Eventually, it worked itself out, though, and I think more people cried when they lost than on any other VH1 Love show I’ve seen. Pretty much the whole season was compelling and funny and awesome. I really want Fox and It (from I Love New York/Money) to have a talk show.

7/17
Cold War Triple Feature

WarGames (Rewatch, 1983, John Badham, 35mm, Castro) - 8.5
Matthew Broderick is a hacker who wants to play the newest, state-of-the-art computer game Global Thermonuclear War, so he hacks his way into what turns out to be a government computer, and makes it look like the Russians are actually attacking. Ally Sheedy is adorable, and so is Broderick. Great movie.


Red Dawn (1984, John Milius, 35mm, Castro) - 5.0
The Russians and the Cubans attack a small town, and a renegade group of high school kids, including Patrick Swayze, Charlie Sheen, C. Thomas Howell, Lea Thompson, and Jennifer Grey fight back. I liked the premise, and I liked that it went all the way with it. The first time it shows the kids actually killing the Russians, I was fairly shocked. But for me, it was a bit too serious, and I found it really hard to get into. My favorite parts were watching Lea Thompson and Jennifer Grey being tough as fuck, and it just kinda made me wish that the movie were about a group of all girls fighting the Russians. It would’ve been a completely different movie, but most likely a more fun one, and most definitely a better one.


Invasion U.S.A. (1985, Joseph Zito, 35mm, Castro) - 7.0
Villainous character actor Richard Lynch is a Russian intent on invading the U.S., and Chuck Norris is the one-man-army who is not going to let that happen. I was pumped for this movie, and really needed something campy and violent to pick me up after Red Dawn, and as soon as I saw in the opening credits that it was produced by Golan/Globus, I knew I had nothing to worry about. Golan/Globus have often scared me with how tapped into my psyche they are. They’ll take a simple idea, like 80’s Stallone Action, or 80’s T&A Comedy, and deliver exactly the movie that I want to see out of that. (See: Cobra, or The Last American Virgin, for the best examples of this.) Invasion U.S.A. starts off strong. There’s an early sequence that takes place in an unbelievably gritty, sleazy hotel, where Richard Lynch slams a woman’s head into the metal coke straw she’s using, shoots a drug dealer in the dick (one of the most gratuitous acts of violence I’ve ever seen), and then throws the woman out a window. It is absolutely incredible.
But it kinda goes downhill from there. A lot of people get shot, and there are a ton of explosions, but that’s not always good enough for me. There’s not enough blood. I don’t expect to see gore in an action film (though I kinda did from this one, as it’s from the director of Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter and The Prowler), but I need to feel the violence a little more, or else I end up disconnected from it, and kinda bored. Norris has a couple of decent one-liners, but for the most part, he just says shit like “You’re about to get killed.” The last five minutes picks up again, at least, with a fantastic Western-style showdown with bazookas, and I can’t help loving anything that concludes on a freeze frame. Overall, it’s a good movie, just not the amazing one I had hoped for.

7/18

Heathers (Prewatch, 1988, Michael Lehmann, Projected Blu-ray, Bridge) - 8.0
Winona Ryder is friends with some popular high school bitches all named Heather, but she actually hates them, and then she meets Christian Slater, and they start killing people. There is some amazing dialogue, and in many ways, it is, or should be, a perfect dark comedy about high school. I had seen this before many years ago, and though I didn’t remember the actual movie very well, I did remember thinking it was really good, but somehow off, and not quite as good as it should’ve been. I felt the same way on this viewing, and I think it’s the score that fucks it up. It sounds like a brooding, emo version of early 90’s computer game music. It’s too in-your-face, too, like it’s constantly trying to remind you that the subject matter is dark, and it just ends up being distracting.
As a sidenote, I know that I complain about digital projection a lot, or at least, occasionally. But, for the most part, this only applies to IndieFest/Another Hole in the Head at the Roxie, because I’m reasonably certain that they find actual prints, record them off the screen with a VHS camcorder, dub them back and forth five times, upload it to youtube, then record that off the screen with the monitor’s brightness turned all the way down, and then they show us that, with the color settings incorrectly way off and a black filter over the lens (I’m not even kidding, I really do think they do this. And even if they don’t go that far, I know for a fact that they screen things digitally even when 35mm is available). But the projector at the Bridge (and the Red Vic as well), is much better quality. Heathers was shown digitally only as a last resort, because Peaches (this was shown during Midnight Mass) has wanted to show it for 12 years and no known print exists, and it was even on Blu-ray. The result may not be an equal substitute for film, but it was definitely satisfactory.

7/20

Dream to Believe (Rewatch, 1986, Paul Lynch, VHS) - 11.0
The second greatest movie ever made, and the most rewatchable. I may have seen Showgirls a lot more times, but these days I only watch it when it’s playing in the theater or if I’m showing it to someone. Dream to Believe is one of very few movies I actually crave rewatching on a semi-regular basis, even at home by myself (or in this case, with Erin), while I would normally be obsessing over all the movies I haven’t seen once. Here’s my full review, if you’ve never read it.



The Promotion (2008, Steve Conrad, DVD) - 7.5
Seann William Scott and John C. Reilly are assistant managers at a grocery store, and they’re both applying to be full managers at a brand new branch in a better area. They’re both good guys, but they each end up having to fight dirty in order to compete against one another. The story is simple, sweet, and relatable, and both actors are great.

7/23

PG Porn: Genital Hospital (Short, 2009, James Gunn, Internet) - 5.0
Love the title, but this one really doesn’t work. It was one of the first ones shot, and was originally going to be released as a package deal with the whole collection, like a bonus episode, and I can see why they wanted to go that route. I think if they had released it early on, I would’ve appreciated it a bit more, but since they’ve gone on to make much better, and much more elaborate episodes, seeing a “new” episode now that is so simplistic, ends up falling flat.

7/24

The Quick and the Dead (1995, Sam Raimi, Roku) - 9.0
Sharon Stone comes to a small Western town seeking vengeance against Gene Hackman, and the town is having a shoot-out tournament, where only the quickest comes out alive. Fucking awesome concept, with bits of Raimi’s innovative style, and an impressive cast. Great fucking movie.

7/5

Fatal Bond (1992, Vincent Monton, VHS) - 6.0
Linda Blair falls for a sleazy asshole, and decides to give him a bunch of money and go on a road trip with him after knowing him about a day. A girl he cheats on her with turns up dead, and he probably did it, and then LB finds another dead girl, and assumes it was him, but then at the end, it turns out he’s innocent, and I guess it’s a happy ending for them even though he’s still a dick. It was alright. Had it’s moments.

7/8

Double Blast (1994, Tim Spring, VHS) - 8.5
Joe Estevez is trying to find some treasure, so he kidnaps archaelogist Linda Blair to translate some shit for him, but he runs into trouble when a young kickboxing brother-sister duo get involved and repeatedly beat the shit out of his bumbling henchmen. I knew I was in for something special when the opening credits actually explained who one of the stars was, as seen here. It’s kind of a retarded movie, if you can believe it, but also a fucking great one.

7/9

The Heart of the Lie (1992, Jerry London, DVD) - 7.5
True crime drama about a woman who is convicted for killing her husband’s ex-wife, but may not be guilty. Pretty good story, and I thought the lead was really good. They did a kind of ok job of setting up some other possible suspects, and remaining somewhat objective over whether or not she did it. I much prefer the original title, Calendar Girl, Cop, Killer? The Bambi Bembenek Story, but the DVD makes up for the change by listing Fullscreen as a Special Feature, which I always find hilarious.

7/10

Moving Target (1988, Marius Mattei, VHS) - 8.5
Someone on a motorcycle is trying to kill everyone to get a key that I guess unlocks riches, but we never actually find out, and so there’s this blond girl on the run who is topless throughout the entire movie for no reason whatsoever, and she hides out with a tennis star who might be her father, and they have a ton of sex, and there’s also a persistent news reporter, whose cameraman is working for the bad guys, and Ernest Borgnine is a detective trying to figure out what’s going on, and Linda Blair occasionally shows up, but doesn’t seem to actually serve any purpose. By the end of the movie, even the characters themselves don’t seem to have any idea whose side they’re on, and everyone just starts randomly shooting each other. And on top of all that, the soundtrack and score are fucking incredible. This was a tough one to track down, but definitely worth it.


Roller Boogie (Rewatch, 1979, Mark L. Lester, 35mm, Bridge) - 9.5
Linda Blair is a rich girl with inattentive parents who, despite being a musical prodigy, is more interested in rollerskating. She meets Jim Bray, a rollerskater with a shot at the Olympics, and hires him to help train her to win the Roller Boogie Contest. It all goes wrong, though, when some businessmen threaten to burn down the roller rink if the owner doesn’t sell them the property, and so the owner is forced to shut down, unless all the rollerskaters can band together and come up with a plan. This movie features an incredible performance from Jim Bray, and one of the best and most adorable from Linda Blair, as well as some funny turns from almost every secondary character. What’s most amazing about this movie, or well, there’s actually a fucking ton of things that make this movie amazing, but one of the most amazing things is how well it segues 70’s movies into 80’s movies. The tone of it, and certainly the fashion and the music, still make it feel like a 70’s movie, but the personalities, the brand of humor, the way in which the fashion and music are utilized, and even the entire plot would later be recycled in many classic and defining 80’s movies.

10/4

Repossessed (Rewatch, 1990, Bob Logan, DVD) - 2.0
Parody sequel to the Exorcist with Linda Blair all grown up with a family, and she gets possessed again, so Leslie Nielsen shows up to give her an exorcism, and Ned Beatty shows up to televise it. It’s not a bad idea, but the jokes are fucking excruciating. Linda Blair isn't especially gifted with comedy, anyway, but it's usually cute when she tries (like in Double Blast or S Club 7). But here she's fucking brutal (through no fault of her own, obviously, she's clearly a victim of terrible writing and direction), and Leslie Nielsen is equally awful. I had seen this before and didn’t like it, but it’s way worse than I remembered. Fucking terrible.

MOVIES
7/4

Independence Day (Prewatch, 1996, Roland Emmerich, Roku) - 8.0
Aliens attack the Earth, so Bill Pullman, Will Smith, and Jeff Goldblum fix it. Fun movie with some awesome action sequences. I loved the design of the aliens.

7/13

The Hurt Locker (2009, Kathryn Bigelow, 35mm, Embarcadero) - 6.0
Jeremy Renner plays a wild bomb diffuser in Iraq who pisses off his partner (Anthony Mackie) a lot. The dynamic between Renner and Mackie (wild vs. restrained) is a bit reminiscent of another Kathryn Bigelow film, but neither actor here has anywhere near the charisma of Patrick Swayze or Keanu Reeves. They also don’t seem to be in love with each other, and they never even go skydiving. Obviously, it’s unfair to compare this film to an unmatched masterpiece such as Point Break, but honestly, I didn’t really feel any connection at all to these characters. The movie is well put together, and there are some fairly tense sequences, so I did still like it, but I had definitely hoped for more from Bigelow.

7/14

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (2009, David Yates, 35mm, Metreon) - 8.0
Voldemort is still wreaking havoc, but the kids continue on at Hogwarts, and mostly spend their time pining for each other. I like the HP storyline no matter what, so I was kept entertained throughout, but it did start to feel long after awhile, because it takes fucking forever to really get anywhere, and there’s not much action in it. I guess the book was like that, too, but for the movie, I needed to see more stuff happening, or at least get a better sense of constant dread and potential danger. There’s an attack on the Burrow somewhere in the middle, and it was an adequately done sequence, but I can’t say I felt any tension. Once Dumbledore and Harry finally set off on their mission, though, things picked up, and it was excellent for the remainder of the film, all the way through to the finale, which left me suitably distraught.

TV
6/25

S Club in Miami Season 1 (1999, Andrew Margetson, Youtube) - 9.0
The S Club 7 are sent by their agent to a shitty hotel in Miami. The humor, especially in the first few episodes, is remarkably similar to Spice World, which makes sense since it’s the same screenwriter, the brilliant Kim Fuller. And it’s practically as good as Spice World. Most everyone in the band is really great, but I got really upset with Paul in the episode where he was put in charge and instantly started acting like an asshole to everyone, and it took me well into the next season to finally forgive him. Alfie Wise as the hotel manager was great, and everytime he tried to describe the UK, it was amazing.

6/28

S Club 7: Back to the Fifties (2000, Andrew Margetson, Youtube) - 9.0
The S Club leaves Miami and heads to L.A., but on the way, they drive through a time-warp and end up in a small town in the 50’s. They meet a diner busboy who is being tormented by the local motorcycle gang, and decide to use their S Club powers to help out. It’s fucking great.

6/29
S Club 7: Boyfriends and Birthdays (2000, Andrew Margetson, Youtube) - 7.5
The S Club ends up in a trailer park, and hangs out with some family, and Rachel’s boyfriend wants her to quit the band and move back to the UK. Some funny stuff, but story wasn’t great. There was too much shit with kids.

7/6

S Club in L.A. Season 2 (2000, Andrew Margetson, Youtube) - 9.0
The S Club 7 give up on Miami and move to L.A. to find fame and fortune. I liked this season even better than the first, and I felt like I was really getting to know every character a lot better. I even forgave Paul because he was pretty funny in the episode Mr. Muscle. Linda Blair is on this season, too, as their landlord, and sometimes she was funny, but honestly, she was kinda bad a lot of the time. The movie they made in Making Movies was a really fucking good movie.

7/11
S Club 7 Go Wild! (2000, Simon Fuller, Youtube) - 6.0
I know the title sounds exciting, but this is not actually about the S Club 7 flashing their tits and dicks for the camera, censored by a just-in-time graphic of the number 7. The only nudity you see here is that of endangered animals, as S Club travels around the world to learn about them. Kinda nice to get to know the members of the band a bit, but not terribly exciting. Tina’s baby panda was really adorable.

7/12
S Club 7: Artistic Differences (2000, Jeff Jones, Youtube) - 9.0
On their big move from L.A. all the way to Hollywood, Bradley and Paul have a falling out and Bradley joins a rival boy band called Guys Incorporated. But everything works out in time for an extremely abrupt ending where the S Club manages to win the Battle of the Bands before anyone else even has a chance to play. Funny and great as always.

7/16

Party Down Season 1 (2009, Rob Thomas/John Enbom/Dan Etheridge/Paul Rudd, Roku) - 9.0
About a group of caterers, who mostly have larger ambitions. The entire cast is made up of some of my favorite comedic actors, with Ken Marino, Adam Scott, Jane Lynch, Ryan Hansen (always a delight on Veronica Mars), Martin Starr, and Lizzy Caplan (whose work I don’t really know that well, but I liked her in Mean Girls and Cloverfield, and loved her in this). And always featuring exciting guest stars (mostly Veronica Mars regulars, as it’s from the same creator). I thought every episode was really great and hilarious, but my favorite was the one with Steven Weber, who had an amazing gag involving his fingers. I’m very glad this got picked up for a second season, although extremely disappointed Jane Lynch can’t come back.

BOOK
7/16

How Not to Make a Short Film: Secrets from a Sundance Programmer by Roberta Marie Munroe - 9.0
A very well-written book by an expert on short films about how to make (and how not to make) festival-ready shorts, and about the process of filmmaking in general. Incredibly useful and inspiring. My movies thus far were obviously not made for the purposes of big festivals. The most I’ve ever hoped for were some bar screenings, an online audience, and possibly an opportunity to sell a few DVDs. And the Popcorn Dangerous movies I’m working on are strictly for fun and experience. But Skimmin’, a script Doug and I have been working on for longer than I care to admit, was always something we regarded more seriously. I don’t actually know what my aspirations are in terms of the movie-making business, but it does sound fun to me to make a “real movie” with an actual experienced crew, who set things up for us and make everything look, sound, and feel legitimate. And there’s also appeal to “getting my name out there.” We always just figured we’d rally up friends for help on Skimmin’, but this book made me feel like it’s possible to arrange something a lot more professional and reliable. The budget has become an even larger issue than it already was, but once we sort that out, I think it will be an amazing time. Thanks, Roberta Munroe!
Unfortunately, though, I had Doug read the book, and rather than find it inspiring, he found it terrifying, so Skimmin’ is being delayed for awhile. I promise that it WILL (probably) still happen, though. Just don’t know when. In the meantime, we’re about ready to start shooting the second episode of Capturin’ the Freedmans.

6/20

A Woman Obsessed (1989, Chuck Vincent, VHS) - 9.5
A man who doesn’t know he was adopted happens upon a painting that seems to be of himself, and it turns out to be a portrait of his biological father, painted by his long-lost mother. He reconnects with her, and goes out to her mansion with his wife Linda Blair. All seems to go well at first, but then it turns out the mother is fucking insane, and is unable to distinguish her son from her late husband, and I don’t want to give too much away, but I’ll say that that plot detail is taken as far as it can possibly go, and I was actually shocked by it. There are some weird moments here, like two extended monologue sequences where the non-speaking actors look really uncomfortable and unsure what to do with themselves, which may be awkward to watch, but I actually found it to be realistic and possibly inspired. For the most part, it’s a brilliant thriller, that delightfully takes things way farther than expected, with an incredible and intense performance from Georgina Spelvin as the mother. I think it’d make a great double feature with Night Warning.

6/21

imps* (The Immoral Minority Picture Show) (1980's/2009, Scott Mansfield, DVD) - 6.0
Lost comedy skit film that was made in the 80’s, but never released until now. It was mostly bad, and not funny, but it wasn’t too painful. There was some ok stuff in it.

6/24

Grotesque (1988, Joe Tornatore, Download) - 8.0
Linda Blair takes her friend to her parents’ cabin in the mountains, and her dad is a special effects guy, and keeps trying to scare them with all his masks, and then a gang of punks breaks in and kills them all, except Linda Blair who escapes, at least for awhile. Some of the punks are then killed by a mutant, who the police assume had done all of the killing, despite Tab Hunter’s insistence that the mutant is innocent, and this all leads up to an aburd, and amazing, ending. Pretty ridiculous movie, but a good one.

6/26

Dead Sleep (1990, Alec Mills, DVD) - 7.5
Linda Blair is a nurse at a hospital, and she becomes suspicious of the main doctor’s methods, and the high death count of his patients who undergo his experimental treatment. It’s not an especially effective thriller, but I don’t know, I liked it.

6/29

Monster Makers (2003, David S. Cass Sr., DVD) - 6.5
A kid who likes horror movies finds a print of an old never-released monster movie, and as he’s watching it on Halloween, there’s a lightning storm, and the monsters end up coming out of the screen to terrorize the town. The plot is surprisingly smart and rarely annoying for a made-for-Hallmark kids movie. There are subtle things, like when the kid and his friend decide to go to the police, he’s like “Ok, but we can’t tell them they’re monsters or they won’t believe us, we have to say that some big guys broke in to the house.” which I thought was clever. I thought it had a lot of potential to be really good, but ultimately, it’s just too fucking innocent.

6/30

The Chilling (1989, Jack A. Sunseri & Deland Nuse, DVD) - 7.0
The power goes out at a cryogenics lab, so security guard Dan Haggerty moves all the bodies outside in the rain to keep them cold, but then the containers get hit by lightning and turns them all into zombies. Linda Blair helps out to fight them off. A bit forgettable, but basically a good movie.

7/1

Gang Boys (1994, Wings Hauser, VHS) - 9.5
Linda Blair's gay son gets raped by Nazis, so she tracks down the father, played by Wings Hauser, and helps him deal with his alcoholism, and eventually they kind of fight back. It's fucking amazing.

7/3

Prey of the Jaguar (1996, David DeCoteau, DVD) - 7.0
Maxwell Caulfield’s family is killed by a man who he had put in prison (or, more specifically, a secret underground prison, or at least I think so, I didn’t really get that part). So Caulfield becomes a superhero, inspired by some drawings his son had made, and seeks revenge. It was a decent, fun story, but not nearly gay enough for a DeCoteau movie.

6/15

Cat Piss (Short, 2007, Giuseppe Andrews, Download) - 8.5
An older gentlemen has issues with his plumbing, so Giuseppe Andrews helps him out. I liked this one a lot. The neighbor who wore pantyhose over his face with sunglasses over it was amazing.


Choque (Short, 2005, Nacho Vigalondo, Download) - 9.0
Nacho Vigalondo goes on some bumper cars with his girlfriend, and when he feels some teenage punks are being too aggressive, he challenges them to some more bumper car madness. It’s pretty hilarious.


The Baseball Card Movie (Short, 2009, Casimir Nozkowski, Youtube) - 7.0
Short documentary about modern baseball card collecting, focused on a specific shop in New York. I collected obsessively when I was a kid (I didn’t actually watch baseball, I just liked the process of collection), so it was interesting to see how much it’s changed.


House Hunting (Short, 2003, Amy Lippman, Download) - 6.0
Paul Rudd and Zooey Deschanel are looking for a new apartment, and they test one out by having sex on the bed, and Paul Rudd shows off his ass, and then there’s something wrong with the realtor. It was ok.

6/18

Salome (Short, 1978, Pedro Almodovar, Download) - 7.5
Early Almodovar short about Salome, who dances around and demands that John the Baptist is beheaded. Pretty good.

6/20

Pulp Fiction (Rewatch, 1994, Quentin Tarantino, 35mm, Clay) - 9.5
John Travolta and Samuel L. Jackson are hitmen who go to retrieve a mysterious suitcase stolen from their boss, Ving Rhames, who has paid the boxer Bruce Willis to throw a fight, but Bruce Willis kills the opponent instead, and also a couple robs a diner where the hitmen are eating, and all the stories meet up with each other, and a ton of other stuff happens. It’s really fucking great, and mostly perfect, with amazing dialogue that is amazing for reasons I don’t even understand. I hadn’t seen it in years, and it fucking holds up.

6/22

Martyrs (2009, Pascal Laugier, DVD) - 8.0
A girl is traumatized from having been held captive and had horrible things done to her as a child, and now she’s haunted by some kind of creature, and she tries to hunt down the people who did it. This movie is all over the place, and the plot seems to drastically change like three times, but somehow it works. I was expecting something disturbing from what I’d been hearing about it, but when the final twist comes, revealing why the girl was tortured, it’s more just kinda weird than anything else. It’s original at least, if not especially mind-blowing. I don’t know what exactly people claim is difficult to watch, but there’s an extended torture montage where a girl just gets punched in the face all the time that could be what people mean. Personally, I’m a huge fan of the Saw series and other “torture porn” films because I consider them to be very similar to all the great slashers, in that they celebrate innovative ways to kill someone. So for me, the torture scenes in Martyrs were kiiiiiind of fucking boring. But aside from that, some of the violence is really great, and when they show the actual devices of torture, it’s really good, and the sequence where the girl busts in on a family is fucking incredible.


Tetro (2009, Francis Ford Coppola, 35mm, Embarcadero) - 5.0
This guy goes to Argentina where his older brother Vincent Gallo is, and he tries to get him to open up about his past or something, and he finds some shit he’s written, but it’s in code, so he tries to decipher it, and then writes a play based on it, and it’s a success. I wanted to like it, but it was pretty much boring, and I couldn’t get engaged in the story. I was also distracted by the cinematography. It was shot on digital, which I don’t have any problem with, but I think at this time, digital can only look so good. It’s shot and lighted very similarly to Rumble Fish, which is a fucking gorgeous-looking film. Coppola was obviously trying for the same effect here, and it’s possible I was just thinking about it too much because of an obsession with film, but I found that it looked really flat and boring. Flat and boring is how I would describe the story too, though, so I guess it actually matches up. And I don’t know, maybe it’ll look better on Blu-ray.

6/27

Sin Nombre (2009, Cary Fukunaga, 35mm, Red Vic) - 8.0
A Mexican gang member ends up killing his gang leader, and he goes on the run, and befriends a girl who is trying to cross the border. Some of the gang members are pretty frightening, and the story doesn’t hold back in portraying gang life. It’s really good.

6/28

Duplicity (2009, Tony Gilroy, 35mm, Red Vic) - 5.0
Julia Roberts and Clive Owen are both corporate spies, and they sleep together, and they connive to scam each of their corporations, but they might be double-crossing each other. It was either really confusing or just really dumb. Probably both, I guess. But watchable enough.

6/29

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009, Michael Bay, 35mm, Kabuki) - 8.0
Shia LaBeouf is off to college, but first he accidentally touches a remaining shard from that black thing from the first movie, and after a brief showdown with Transformer Gremlins, he takes off to leave, but Decepticons are still around, so the Transformers need his help, and a ton of other shit happens, including Shia almost cheating on Megan Fox with a crazy stalker/rapist girl who I could’ve sworn was also Megan Fox in a blond wig. Shia is hilarious and charming, in fucking top form here, and Julie White as his mom was also fucking great. The entire first half of the movie I thought was incredible, but eventually it does start to feel real fucking long, and the final battle especially goes on forever. And without being obsessed enough with Transformers to tell any of them apart, the action isn’t very exciting. It’s far from Bay’s best work, but it’s not the piece of shit everyone says it is, either. Well, in a way it is, but I’ll get back to that.
After I saw it, I was dying to know what race the "racist" twins were supposed to be. Can it really be considered racist if I honestly could not fucking figure it out? They were like Asians imitating black people, mixed with hillbillies. So all I can figure is that people are mad because they left out Mexicans? Nobody would answer me on Twitter or FaceBook, and I genuinely wanted to know the answer. Everywhere I looked to research the matter didn’t bother to specify, as if it’s so obvious, there’s no need to. My best educated guess is that they’re supposed to be Black, but seriously, I couldn’t tell. They’re supposed to have formed their personalities based on an amalgamation of pop cultures consumed from the internet, and that is exactly how it comes across.
But anyway, here’s the thing about this movie. Everything that people have said about the plot not making any sense, is entirely correct. I don’t follow movies very well myself, especially if I’m distracted by shit blowing up, so I didn’t actually notice. But from what I’ve read about the plotholes and various inconsistencies, it seems the movie was definitely problematic. My favorite article on the subject would be this one. It’s not only a hilarious read, but it actually answered my fucking question about the “racist” robots. And to be honest, I can’t figure out if reading about all the movie’s problems actually makes me like it even more or not. I'm pretty sure it does.

6/30

Public Enemies (2009, Michael Mann, 35mm, Balboa) - 7.0
Johnny Depp is John Dillinger and he’s a bank robber, and Christian Bale is fed up with it. I was never bored during its 2+ hour running time, but there was never a moment when I was thrilled or excited, either. It’s a thoroughly good movie, without ever being great. Nice to see Stephen Dorff getting work.

June Top 10
1. Drag Me to Hell
2. A Woman Obsessed
3. Megaforce
4. The Hangover
5. Airport 1975
6. Up
7. Bedroom Eyes
8. S Club 7: Back to the Fifties
9. Choque (short)
10. Land of the Lost

Bottom 5
1. The Blind Waiter (short)
2. Lola Montes
3. Six Months to Live (short)
4. Victory at Entebbe
5. Duplicity

9/24

Paranormal Activity (2009, Oren Peli, DLP, Castro) - 9.0
A young couple is haunted by a ghost or demon, so the skeptical boyfriend begins to film themselves sleeping every night, with increasingly disturbing results. It has a great concept behind it, because instead of the typical house haunting, the ghost is actually haunting the girl herself, and has followed her around most of her life, so there’s no way for her to escape. The whole movie is told through the boyfriend’s camera, which is rapidly becoming a very familiar tactic at this point, but I still find it hugely effective. This movie reminded me most of Christopher Denham’s Home Movie, about creepy kids, which overall I liked a little more, but Paranormal Activity is definitely a lot scarier.

And on that point, a lot is being made of how the film doesn’t rely on gore or violence, and instead things are left to your imagination. That’s being used as a selling point, as if that alone makes it superior to those horror films that do rely on such methods. Since I happen to adore gore and violence, I wanted to take a different approach. Horror is, without a doubt, my favorite genre of film. I watch as many horror movies as I can possibly consume, and I love it in all of it’s varied forms. But I don’t find them scary. Like, ever. Apparently, I simply don’t have an imagination, because suspense is frequently lost on me. Whenever something happens offscreen, and I’m left to create what happened inside my own head, it’s not my imagination that runs wild, but frustration. So if I’m watching a monster movie, I want to see the fucking monster. And if I’m watching a slasher, I want extreme fucking close-ups of every last graphic detail of what the killer is inflicting on his victims. I don’t need gore to enjoy horror, there are plenty of other reasons I love the genre, but I definitely consider it an enhancement to any film. I like it when movies can scare me as well, but it just happens too rarely for me to judge a movie if it doesn’t.

Paranormal Activity is one out of a midget’s handful of films that actually fucking terrified me. There are quite a few scenes that completely creeped me the fuck out, and I happily give it due credit for pulling that off. The simplicity of some of the things that occur, often done without any effects, are exactly what makes the film seem so plausible. It’s not hard to picture the exact same events taking place in my own home.

It’s so effectively scary, however, that I was a bit disappointed when it all ends with a cheap jump scare (I hope no one considers that a spoiler, I apologize if you do). Now I love cheap jump scares. LOVE them. Especially at the very end of a movie right before the credits start. But here, it felt too incongruous to the rest of the movie, none of which could be considered “cheap”. Apparently, multiple endings were shot, and there’s even a different ending on the screener copy that’s been floating around the last couple years. I caught one of the advance screenings last month before it’s wide release, so for all I know, I’ve seen a different one as well. And it’s a minor issue, anyway, so please ignore that I even brought it up.

In short, Paranormal Activity is an incredible horror film, in spite of the fact that it does not embrace gore or violence.

In anticipation of meeting Linda Blair a couple months ago, I watched every single one of her movies that I hadn't seen yet that I was able to track down. Here's the first batch of them.

6/7

Bail Out (1989, Max Kleven, DVD) - 8.0
Three bail bondsmen named White Bread (a white guy, David Hasselhoff), Bean (a Mexican), and Blue (obviously, a Black guy), are hired to protect Linda Blair because she witnessed a murder among drug dealers, but they do a pretty bad job of it, and she gets taken, and then they have to save her. It’s a pretty fun movie about the exciting adventures of bail bondsmen, with an excellent performance from Hasselhoff.


Up Your Alley (1988, Bob Logan, VHS) - 7.5
There’s a serial killer stalking and killing the homeless, so newspaper reporter Linda Blair goes undercover to write a story about it, and she meets a kind and handsome transient who shows her the ropes of homelessness, and they fall in love. Sweet and simple romantic comedy about homeless people being murdered.

6/10

Ruckus (1981, Max Kleven, DVD) - 6.0
A Vietnam vet comes through a small town, and he’s dirty and rude, so people don’t like him, but Linda Blair does, and that makes people like him even less, and so he goes to war with the entire town. It’s the same basic plot as First Blood. Kinda boring, but Linda Blair looks great.

6/11

Victory at Entebbe (1976, Marvin J. Chomsky, VHS) - 4.0
A plane from Israel gets hijacked by terrorists in Uganda, and they hold everyone hostage for awhile. Really boring terrorism story. Kept waiting for Jack Bauer to fix everything.

6/14

Airport 1975 (1974, Jack Smight, Roku) - 9.0
Oh my god, so here’s what happens. A small plane crashes into a large commercial plane with a bunch of passengers, and it kills and badly injures the pilots, so flight attendant Karen Black has to be coached through how to put the plane into cruise control, until a real pilot can parachute into the cockpit. I should really be watching more disaster movies. This was fucking amazing.


The Powder Puff Principle (Short, 2006, John Burgess, Download) - 6.0
Clint Howard is a hated principal of a high school, and when he cancels a big football game, someone paints a lewd mural of him in the gym, and he wants to know who did it. Pretty decent short with a terrible soundtrack and a short cameo at the end from LB.

6/15

Sorceress (1995, Jim Wynorski, DVD) - 7.0
There are some witches who are fighting about stuff, and there’s a guy involved, and a bunch of sex happens. I don’t remember much more than that. It was kinda weird watching generic softcore now that I’m older than 15, and was actually renting it and didn’t just stumble across it on Cinemax at 3 in the morning in the family room at my mom’s house. Weird, but worth it. Linda Blair was pretty good (honestly, I don’t even remember if she was or not, but she usually is.)


Teddy Scares (Short, 2006, William Vaughan, Download) - 5.0
Animated student film about goth teddy bears. Linda Blair, Clive Barker, and Rick Baker do voices. It was ok.

6/17

Bedroom Eyes II (1990, Chuck Vincent, VHS) - 7.0
Wings Hauser plays the businessman from the first movie, who meets a woman (Linda Blair) who looks exactly like his first wife, and then the killer from the first movie is out of prison, and it all leads to trouble. Decent story, but it just wasn't exciting enough. And Linda Blair gets killed halfway through.

Kittysneezes.com, which is based in Washington, is posting daily articles related to queer stuff, to raise awareness for Referendum 71. So I wrote something for them called A Straight Person's Top 10 Guide To Movies About The Gay People, and you should check it out if you're not homophobic, and possibly even if you are.

6/4

Land of the Lost (2009, Brad Silberling, 35mm, Balboa) - 8.5
Will Ferrell is a scientist who believes in time travel, but no one takes him seriously after an embarassing interview with Matt Lauer, until Anna Friel convinces him to try out his time machine again, and it works, and they end up in the past along with Danny McBride, and they meet a creepy caveman named Chaka, and have adventures together dealing with sleestaks and dinosaurs. Nobody fucking saw this movie, and I think a lot of the people who did didn’t really get it, but it’s seriously fucking awesome. It’s pretty much a kids’ movie, but it’s got a hard edge to it, in the same kind of way 80’s kids’ movies did. It’s got some really hilarious stuff in it, that I can’t imagine any Will Ferrell fan not finding satisfying, and it’s just a fun and creative adventure story. It might take 15 years, but I believe this will eventually have a much deserved cult following. Sam Rockwell came to see it at my theater, and I don't know if he liked it or not, but just the fact that he saw it should prove that it's amazing. He was in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, you guys.

6/6

The Hangover (2009, Todd Phillips, 35mm, Vogue) - 9.0
Four friends go to Vegas for a bachelor party, and when they wake up the next morning, the groom-to-be is missing, and none of the remaining three have any memory of what happened the night before, so using various strange clues they’ve been left, they retrace their steps to find out what the fuck happened the night before, and where their friend is. Basically the exact same plot as Dude, Where’s My Car?, but with a person instead of a car, and everywhere that film failed to reach it’s potential from an interesting plot device, The Hangover actually delivers. This is a fucking hilarious movie, that smartly ties up all the loose ends, no matter how absurd they initially seem. Zack Galifianakis is especially incredible, managing to be extremely funny while equally creepy. Great fucking movie.

6/7

Lola Montes (1955, Max Ophuls, 35mm, Red Vic) - 3.0
Lola Montes tells her scandalous life story through flashbacks as part of a circus act. It didn’t annoy me enough to say that it’s a bad movie, but it definitely wasn’t for me. Pretty boring.

6/8

Partly Cloudy (Short, 2009, Peter Sohn, Disney Digital 3D, Castro) - 8.0
Some clouds make babies (human and animal) for storks to deliver, and one cloud can only make dangerous animal babies, like porcupines and crocodiles, that are difficult for it’s stork to handle. Nothing amazing, but very cute.

6/8 and 9/7

Up (2009, Pete Docter & Bob Peterson, Disney Digital 3D/35mm, Castro/Red Vic) - 9.0
An old man is being sent to a retirement home, but he doesn’t want to go, so he ties a bunch of balloons to his house and takes off to South America, where he always intended to go with his wife, who recently passed. He’s joined by a young boy trying to earn his assisting-the-elderly badge, and once in South America, a talking dog and an exotic bird. Pixar’s ability to tell a story through subtle means is as impressive as ever, particularly in the first 15 minutes, which goes through the old man’s entire life with his wife. I don’t think it’s Pixar’s best film, but it may be their most thrilling, as it’s a fantastic, action-packed adventure movie, with some very emotional moments.

6/9

Old School (2003, Todd Phillips, DVD) - 8.0
Luke Wilson is middle-aged and moves into a house on a college campus, and along with his friends Will Ferrell and Vince Vaughn, they start up a fraternity to reclaim their youth. It’s pretty funny.

6/12

The Proposition (2006, John Hillcoat, Blu-ray) - 5.0
Ray Winstone is a sheriff or something, and he tells Guy Pearce that unless he finds and kills his own dangerous older brother, Winstone will kill his innocent younger brother. Great concept, with an awesome amount of blood and violence, but way too slow-moving, and I hated every character, so didn’t fucking care what happened to anyone.


The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3 (2009, Tony Scott, 35mm, Balboa) - 8.0
John Travolta hijacks a subway train, and threatens to start killing people if New York doesn’t give him a bunch of money, and Denzel Washington works for the subway system, and ends up serving as the negotiator. Denzel is good, and Travolta is amazingly ridiculous. At one point, he tells a motherfucker to lick his bunghole. The directing and editing is also comically retarded. This movie was great.

6/13

Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day (2008, Bharat Nalluri, DVD) - 7.5
Miss Pettigrew (Frances McDormand) gets fired as a governess, so she steals a business card, and shows up to help Amy Adams, who is juggling some men and living the fast life. Pettigrew does a great job, so everything works out for everyone. Amy Adams is totally adorable, and it’s kinda charming how morally ambiguous it is.

6/17

Bedroom Eyes (1984, William Fruet, VHS) - 9.0
A businessman out jogging one night comes across an open window where a woman is stripping down. Discovering his inner peeping tom, he returns to the window every night, until the girl ends up dead, with a trail of clues leading to him having done it. It’s a really perfect and amazing erotic thriller, that seems tailormade for grainy VHS. Actually lives up to it’s incredible poster.


The Proposal (2009, Anne Fletcher, 35mm, Balboa) - 7.5
Ryan Reynolds is Sandra Bullock’s personal assistant, and she’s a bitch, but also Canadian, and under the risk of deportation, she convinces Reynolds to marry her, and even though they hate each other at first, they eventually find themselves getting along. In kind of a refreshing and realistic twist, they’re not actually in love at the end of the movie, just willing to start dating. It’s not great, but I like the leads a lot, and it’s got some funny stuff in it.

Also rewatched The Muppet Movie (1979, James Frawley, 35mm, Clay) - 7.5 on 6/6. Full review here from last year. I gave it a slightly lower score this time, but yeah, still a good movie.

6/1

Night at the Museum (2006, Shawn Levy, DVD) - 6.0
Ben Stiller needs a job, so he gets one as the night watchman at the Museum of Natural History, and it turns out everything there comes alive at night. It’s not very funny, but it’s entertaining enough. The little kid in it was fucking awful. I want to see the sequel because Amy Adams is in it, but otherwise, I wouldn’t bother.


Terminator Salvation (2009, McG, 35mm, Van Ness) - 7.0
It’s the future, and the machines have taken over the world, and John Connor is all grown up and starting to build up a following, and inspire people to fight back, and meanwhile, his father who is still a teenager is in peril, and John goes out of his way to protect him. It’s pretty good, but doesn’t really add much to the Terminator saga. My least favorite of the series.

6/1, 9/5, and 10/17

Drag Me to Hell (2009, Sam Raimi, 35mm/Blu-ray, Van Ness/Red Vic) - 10.0
Alison Lohman is a loan officer at a bank hoping to get a promotion, and some gypsy bitch comes in who doesn’t understand capitalism, asking for a third loan to pay off some debts, and Lohman turns her down, so the gypsy grabs at her and Lohman calls security, and the gypsy woman says she’s been shamed, so she hides out in Lohman’s car, which leads to an incredible fight scene involving office supplies, and ends with the gypsy cursing her. The curse causes terrifying hallucinations, and Lohman has three days to figure a way out of it, or she’s gonna be dragged to hell. It’s gross and fun and actually pretty fucking scary, with moments of humor blended in as well. Alison Lohman is fucking amazing, and could not have been more perfect for the role. She’s relatable and lovable, and as she continually makes darker decisions in order to fend off the curse, it remains easy to support her and root for her to win. She nails all her comedic moments as well, and the scene where she’s questioned about her cat is one of my favorites in the movie. Originally, Ellen Page was supposed to play the role, and although I really like Ellen Page, I don’t think she could’ve pulled it off nearly as well as Lohman. Justin Long was also very good, and easily relatable, as the supportive boyfriend who clearly loves her unconditionally, and will do whatever he can to help her out. The ending of the movie is cruel and upsetting, and absolutely fucking perfect. I’ve watched it three times now, the last time being on the Unrated Blu-ray, which has only a few extra seconds, but they make it a few extra seconds better of a movie.

6/2

Keoma (1976, Enzo G. Castellari, DVD) - 7.0
Franco Nero is a hairy halfbreed named Keoma who returns to his hometown, and finds it under the rule of a nasty criminal, who is being aided by Keoma’s three half-brothers, who were always bullies, and so to help out some girl he met, and the rest of the town, Keoma shoots everyone. It’s alright, but just wasn’t bloody enough or mean enough for me. A lot of people are killed, which is great, but they just kinda fall down and then it’s done, and it’s boring. The soundtrack, though, which frequently vocalizes the story you’re seeing on screen, is ridiculous and amazing.

6/3

Megaforce (1982, Hal Needham, VHS) - 9.0
Megaforce is a secret army led by Barry Bostwick who are hired by a peaceful city to prevent the bullying neighboring city from continuing to fuck with them all the time. The neighboring city’s military is led by Henry Silva, who is an old buddy of Bostwick, and when they meet up, they are thrilled to see each other even though they are fighting, just as everyone else is constantly thrilled to see one another, as this just may be the cheeriest movie ever made. The actual plot of the movie is not very important, as it’s all about watching actors who could not possibly be having any more fun making an amazing futuristic sci-fi adventure movie.

6/4

Motor Psycho (1965, Russ Meyer, DVD) - 8.0
A motorcycle gang blazes through town, raping and killing people, so Haji and Alex Rocco team up to fight back. One of Meyer’s sleazier and meaner movies, but still pretty funny at times.

6/5

The Evil Dead (Rewatch, 1981, Sam Raimi, Roku) - 9.0
Bruce Campbell and some friends go to a cabin in the woods for a vacation, and they find the Necronomicon, which they read out loud from, unleashing demonic forces, who possess everyone except Campbell. Great fucking movie, with extremely impressive gore and effects given the budget. The scene where the girl gets raped by “the woods themselves” is amazing.

7/22 and 7/25

Evil Dead 2: Dead By Dawn (Rewatch, 1987, Sam Raimi, 35mm, Bridge) - 9.0
Ash returns to his favorite vacation spot, a cabin in the woods where people frequently become possessed by evil. The first to fall victim to this is Ash’s girlfriend, and before there’s even time to ask her “What’s wrong?” Ash has already chopped her head off. The mayhem continues non-stop from there, and it’s totally fun and amazing and great.

6/19

Sam Raimi & Friends Short Films
Cleveland Smith, Bounty Hunter (1982, Josh Becker, VHS) - 7.0
Torro, Torro, Torro! (1981, Josh Becker & Scott Spiegel, VHS) - 6.0
The Blind Waiter (1980, Scott Spiegel & Josh Becker, VHS) - 2.0
Attack of the Helping Hand! (1979, Scott Spiegel, VHS) - 6.0
The Sappy Sap (1985, Sam Raimi, VHS) - 6.0
Six Months to Live (1977, Sam Raimi & Scott Spiegel, Download) - 4.0
Clockwork (1979, Sam Raimi, Download) - 7.0
Within the Woods (Rewatch, 1979, Sam Raimi, Download) - 8.0
A few of the shorts Sam Raimi and Bruce Campbell made with their friends when they were much younger. It’s an interesting look into the development of Raimi’s style and innovation, but the humor always leans toward really awful slapstick. That humor can sometimes work in the context of gory horror, but when it’s just a regular comedy, it tends to be painful. Most of the shorts had enough other stuff going on to at least be interesting, but one called The Blind Waiter was fucking brutal, and seemed to go on forever. Within the Woods is a precursor to Evil Dead, which they made to prove they were capable of making a feature horror film, and it’s pretty good, but unfortunately only exists in nearly unwatchable quality.

TV
5/27

Flavor of Love Season 1 (Cris Abrego & Mark Cronin, DVD) - 9.5
Flavor Flav tries to find love among a group of trashy contestants. When I rented this, I had been watching For the Love of Ray J and Rock of Love Bus, and starting to think that maybe I was just over the whole trashy reality show thing. It took about 10 seconds into the first episode for me to realize that those were just terrible shows, because this shit is non-stop fucking incredible entertainment. The only thing that made me sad was realizing how much of a difference it actually makes watching it uncensored. It all flies by so fast, it’s crazy how much you can miss, especially during screaming fights, and seeing it on DVD felt like the only acceptable way to be watching it.

5/28

24 Season 3 (Joel Surnow & Robert Cochran, DVD) - 10.0
There’s a threat of a deadly, fast-acting virus being spread through LA, and that ends up being released in a hotel, and Jack Bauer has to do some insane shit to keep things under control. My favorite season so far. Riveting and crazy.

5/30

Reaper Season 2 (Tara Butters & Michele Fazekas, CW) - 9.5
Sam continues capturing souls for the devil, while constantly trying to figure out how to get out of his contract. It’s a great fucking show, and keeps getting better. The whole cast is really good, but Tyler Labine is especially hilarious and amazing.

Movies
5/30

Point Blank (1967, John Boorman, DVD) - 8.0
Lee Marvin is double-crossed by his partner in crime, John Vernon, who leaves him for dead, but Marvin resurfaces and sets out on a mission to get his money from the deal he was scammed on. Lee Marvin is great. Tough, but with some humor, and it’s a solid crime story. I loved the angle that he didn’t really care about revenge, all he wanted was to get paid, and if this required throwing John Vernon naked off a building, then that was just a bonus.

5/31

The Inglorious Bastards (1978, Enzo G. Castellari, 35mm, Yerba Buena) - 6.0
It’s WWII and some soldiers are being driven to Army jail, but they escape, and end up getting involved in a mission to steal a warhead from the Nazis. It’s not too bad, but kinda forgettable. In fact, I had actually seen it before under the title G.I. Bro, and didn’t even realize it until I looked it up later. It definitely has it’s moments, though:



New York Confidential (1955, Russell Rouse, 16mm, Roxie) - 6.5
A mob hitman is hired to protect a mob boss, and they are loyal to each other, and the hitman and the boss’ daughter have some chemistry, but don’t pursue it, and eventually the syndicate wants the hitman to kill his boss. It’s pretty good, but I was really tired when I saw it, and managed to fall asleep and completely miss the ending, which from reading a thorough plot synopsis, sounds awesome.


Private Hell 36 (1954, Don Siegel, 16mm, Roxie) - 8.0
Two detectives are following a lead to uncover the money from an unsolved robbery, and when they end up finding it, one of the detectives pockets a portion of it, and the other doesn’t approve and is racked with guilt, as he doesn’t want to turn in his partner. It’s really good. Ida Lupino is great, as always.


May Top 10
1. Crank: High Voltage
2. Sorry, Haters
3. Star Trek ('09)
4. Hellboy II: The Golden Army
5. Anvil! The Story of Anvil
6. The Tooth Fairy
7. The English Surgeon
8. Bye Bye Birdie
9. Airport
10. tie: Marathon Man/Star Trek: The Motion Picture

Bottom 2
1. Darkness Falls
2. Repulsion

5/21

Soldier of Orange (1977, Paul Verhoeven, DVD) - 4.0
Verhoeven majorly disappoints with this long and confusing war movie that exhibits a very rare show of restraint. The reason Paul Verhoeven is one of the greatest directors of all time is because he’s gleefully and shamelessly excessive with sex and violence. He’s basically an exploitation director with bigger budgets. With Soldier of Orange, he does manage to fit in some gratuitous tits, but even within a setting of war, the violence is almost non-existent. It’s not a terrible movie, but I’d rather watch RoboCop.

5/24

Airport (1970, George Seaton & Henry Hathaway, Roku) - 8.5
A star-studded cast leads a story about some passengers on an airplane, and the people running the airline, who end up having to deal with a guy who blows himself up while his plane is in the air. It’s a fucking awesome and intense disaster thriller.
On another note, I watched this on the Roku, which if you don’t know what that is, it’s a device that lets me watch Netflix’s Instant Watch movies on my TV, which is very convenient because I can’t fucking stand watching shit on the computer. It’s all very futuristic, this whole idea of just beaming a movie I want to see onto my television set whenever the hell I want to see it, and that’s incredible, right? But what’s weird is that despite how representative it is of the future, half of the movies are in fucking fullscreen, and look like the VHS of the past. I’m proud to still own a VCR, and I don’t mind watching VHS tapes on occasion, for certain movies (like, the ones where that’s the only format they exist on), but it just seems inappropriate for a modern device since pretty much everyone embraces widescreen these days, and lots of people even have widescreen televisions to accommodate it. And sometimes the movies actually look worse than VHS. Point Blank, for instance, was completely unwatchable (I ended up renting it). And even worse than that, was when I tried to watch the Jean-Claude Van Damme film Knock Off, it was fullscreen that had been stretched into a fake widescreen. That’s a movie I actually would’ve been willing to watch in regular fullscreen, but that option wasn’t even available, you could only watch it stretched. I made it through about five minutes before it drove me too fucking crazy to continue. But anyway, another disconcerting thing happened with Airport. Remember back in the VHS days (and occasionally, you’ll still see this on DVDs), when a movie would start off in widescreen in order to keep the opening credits from being cut off, but then as soon as the actual movie started, it would go to fullscreen? Airport, which was in HD and thus should've been correctly formatted, totally did that. Movies are shot (generally) in two different formats, either 1:85 which is what widescreen televisions are shaped for, and 2:35, which is a little wider. So when you watch a 2:35 movie on a 1:85 TV, you’re still gonna get the black bars at the top and bottom of the screen. Airport started in 2:35 for the credits, and then suddenly switched to 1:85. Basically, it had cropped off the sides of the image in order to fill my screen. It’s essentially fullscreen for widescreen TVs. I don’t know if the DVD is also like that, and I haven’t seen it happen again with the Roku, so I’m not that concerned, but I hope it’s not something that's happening regularly, as it's a giant step backwards in the world of home theater entertainment.

5/25

Tyson (2009, James Toback, 35mm, Kabuki) - 7.5
Mike Tyson talks about his entire life. Kind of weird at times to only be getting his side of the story. Like, he denies raping that woman, and gets all upset about how evil she is because he had to go to prison for a few years for no reason, but then he admits to “taking advantage of” some other women, just not that particular girl, and it’s like, even if that’s true, then he's still a fucking rapist who deserved to go to prison, and should probably still be there (or should at least be a part of a community service program where he accompanies film-lovers to midnight movies in case some asshole starts loudly making fun of it, a scenario where he can put those rapin’ skills to better use.) But on the plus side, it’s Mike fucking Tyson, and he occasionally says hilarious things, and he’s certainly interesting to listen to.

5/26
Quadruple Feature of Dentist/Teeth-Related Movies I Watched Immediately After Getting My Wisdom Teeth Removed

Marathon Man (Prewatch, 1976, John Schlesinger, DVD) - 8.5
Roy Scheider is some kind of secret agent hunting Nazi war criminals, and he gets killed, which places his little brother Dustin Hoffman in danger because the Nazis think Hoffman knows whether or not it’s safe to pick up some diamonds they hid somewhere awhile back. At one point, Hoffman is tortured by a Nazi dentist, in a famous scene that’s actually pretty tame and underwhelming, and honestly, the scene in Little Shop of Horrors with Steve Martin and Bill Murray is a lot rougher and more painful to watch. Otherwise, it’s a fucking awesome thriller, though, and Hoffman does a great job looking more and more distressed.


Little Shop of Horrors (Prewatch, 1986, Frank Oz, Roku) - 9.0
Rick Moranis works at a flower shop that isn’t doing well, but then he gets a new plant that seems to pull people into the store, and business picks up, but it turns out the plant feeds on blood, and eventually, entire people. It’s really fucking good, and Steve Martin as a sadistic dentist is fucking incredible.


Darkness Falls (2003, Jonathan Liebesman, DVD) - 3.0
Some woman who collected kids’ teeth in the 1800’s ends up getting lynched by the people of the town she lives in, and now she’s a ghost who wants revenge on some random kid who accidentally looked at her or something. At first, no one believes the little kid who’s being haunted by her, but eventually they do, and then everyone runs around scared even though all you have to do to keep her away is shine a fucking flashlight on her (seriously). It’s fucking lame.


The Tooth Fairy (2006, Chuck Bowman, Roku) - 9.0
There’s an evil tooth fairy who is after a little girl who just lost her last tooth, and she is ready to murder the fucking shit out of anyone who gets in her goddamn way. This was an amazing and hilarious fucking slasher movie, with a vicious and disgusting tooth fairy that completely blew away that pussy from Darkness Falls. This tooth fairy disposes of people with a nail gun, a hatchet, and a wood-chipper, and she’s not afraid to chop up kids or slice off a redneck’s dick, either! Fucking awesome.

5/27

The Adventures of Milo and Otis (1986, Masanori Hata, Roku) - 8.0
Milo is a cat and Otis is a dog and they meet on a farm and become BFFs, and they go on a perilous adventure together, and it’s often sort of frightening but obviously adorable. Great movie.

Doug Freedman from Ghost: The Movie, Pumpkin and Me, No Fatties, and West Elm Commercial wrote something for a very short movie, which we're going to make into an ongoing web series. It's called Capturin' the Freedmans. I helped out with directing and editing, and I play the role of the corpse who is not actually dead. Here's the first episode:



And this is a lot less exciting, but I uploaded something I shot on Super 8 for a class in 2002. It's my leg getting waxed. The assignment was to shoot something simple to prove that you had learned how to focus and how to use a light meter, which as you'll see, I clearly didn't. There's no sound or editing. It's really boring and it looks like shit. It was shot with way too much light, and then when I shot it through the camera off of wall projection, it looked even worse and all strobe-y, and now it's been distorted through youtube. I know I'm not exactly selling it here, but if you do watch it, then I strongly recommend putting on music. I tried it with Air Supply's Two Less Lonely People in the World and The Carpenters' Jambalaya, and both worked great. I think literally anything would work great. It's called Fire Safety. It makes a good double feature with Styling Mousse (made the same year).



And slightly more exciting, but pertaining to shit you've all seen already, No Fatties is back online, presumably for good this time. It was taken off youtube for music licensing issues, so I'm hosting it myself. CLICK HERE. I also replaced James Brown vs. Michael Jackson with a new and improved version that is 6 minutes shorter. That's like a third of the movie, so give it another try if you weren't able to make it through before, because it's totally easy viewing now. So easy that you'll be craving more when it finishes, which is why there are also Deleted Scenes to watch as well. CLICK HERE.

And finally, if anyone's interested, here's some test footage I did for the time travel sequence in STAR TREK The Motion Picture Film.

I finally finished editing and fucking around with music/sound on my latest short film, STAR TREK The Motion Picture Film. It's far from my favorite of my movies, but I think it's got some good stuff. It's basically a remake of J.J. Abrams' Star Trek from earlier this year. It's got a lot of references to the Original Series and The Next Generation, but will hopefully still be funny even if you don't get those. Randolph Dible from Facebook.com raves, "If I had to watch it again, I would!"